Different Kinds of Pain

My mother is almost 90 years old and has never had surgery 0f any kind. I am 49 and have mine listed an an excell spread sheet. Last Monday I think I went through my most painful surgery yet, a full knee replacement.  Agony is a pretty good word to describe the first few days. I had been warned, but I had been through heart bypass and several others, and I thought I was ready, but boy did that hurt, but not all pain is physical.  

I think that all of us who have been through open heart surgery know that there is more to recovery than dealing with pain, and not all pain is physical.  I think this most current surgery has actually reminded me how much better I am on the inside. I have always told people that the worst thing about bypass surgery is not the physical pain, for me it was the emotional pain that proved to be the greater challenge.  I am hoping to post more often as I am off for a few weeks learning to use my new knee.

What Not to Eat!

I was reading a friend's blog and found a picture of something I doubt I should ever eat.

Food: An Everyday Challange

Yesterday was Memorial Day. In otherwords it was a day where food was a top priority. I remember a time when I gave absolutly no thought about what I ate except whether it was good or not. I don't know how much my diet played a role in my coranary artery disease, but knowing what I put into my mouth I have to believe it played a major role. The reality was that I loved fried food and all the other things people sometimes call "artery glue." After my surgery I had to face some major lifestyle changes and food was near the top of the list. About a year post-op I was talking to a cardiac nurse who claimed that the majority of people who had bypass surgery we back to their old ways of eating within two years.

With the help of a wonderfully supportive wife, everything about my diet changed, but after three years I still have a some challanges. First, days like yesterday are tough. We had a bunch of family over and we did have grilled chicken, but we also had fresh strawberry pie, and homemade lemon ice cream made with heavy whipping cream. I know it is ok to have some of the bad stuff, but on days like yesterday and the 4th of July the challange becomes moderation. By the way, that ice cream is out of this world. I face a second challange everytime I go out to eat. I just wish there were move healthy options for folks like me. When I look at the number of fast food places and resturants in general I am amazed that there is not even more heart disease. I am not interested in becoming the food police, but I do believe that the resturant industry could do better.

Three Years to the Day

My wife and I were watching some TV and she looked over at me and asked me if I knew what today was. I looked at he funny and told her it was Tuesday. She smiled and said,  "It's May the 13th. It's been exactly three years." I couldn't believe it. Not that three years had passed since my bypass, but that I didn't think about it one time today until she reminded me.  I remember when I thought about it all the time, but now things are different. I am back to a new normal. In a sense nothing will ever be the same, because as my wife also said, "You were given a second chance at life."  I know a lot of folks think that someone who survives bypass surgery wakes up from surgery with a realization of this second chance. I guess some do, but to be honest, it has taken me a while to get to that point. Today has been a good day. Three years down and a bunch more to go!

Back and Doing Well

My trip to Pepperdine exceeded all expectations. I feel great. I feel alive. I feel whole. I really wondered how my return to the place where it all seemed to have started would feel. For a long time after my bypass I spent a good deal of time wondering when I would have more problems. Every passing pain can feel like a heart attack. I no longer feel that way. I can laugh again. Three years ago my friends were joking about my constant complaining. This year we were laughing together about my past complaining. Recovery takes time. When my wife's uncle told me that I would feel like a new person, but it would take eighteen months, I didn't realize how right he was. I am a survivor.

Signs Ignored

In a few hours I will be traveling to California to visit my my son, who is an officer in the Air Force, and attending a conference at Pepperdine University. I must admit that I have been experiencing some unexpected flashbacks. Three years ago I also went to Pepperdine. I didn't know it at the time, but I was trying my best to have a heart attack. I spent the whole time complaining to anyone who would listen. My friends were heartless. The actually joked about my complaining. I was having almost constant indigestion, or at least that's what I thought it was. I just assumed I was sick with some bug. I still wasn't thinking heart. If you have ever seen or been to Pepperdine you realize that it is literally built on the side of a mountain, and it is not unusual to walk up or down over 200 steps to go from one building to another. Before the end of the week I had stopped walking and started riding the shuttle bus. Again, my wonderful friends made jokes at my expense. I finally told them that when I died I would have these words inscribed on my tombstone: "See I told you I was sick." Even though I knew something was wrong, I laughed right along not having a clue that at the time I was just two weeks away from my life changing and life saving surgery. There I was walking up and down mountains with my "widow maker" over 90% blocked. I am lucky to be alive. I will explain in another post, but the realization of a genuine brush with death can often lead to depression instead of the happiness many would expect.  I am excited about the trip, and am indeed thankful that when I visit this time I will walk up the steps with a strong heart and a new outlook on life.

Heart Bypass: Three Years Later (Part 2)

I have talked to several bypass survivors who remember little about their time in ICU. For someone who forgets way more than he should I remember way more than I would like to about my time in ICU. I Clearly remember waking up and thinking that at least I was alive. I had tubes coming from holes that weren't there a few hours ago. I love the term the doctors used for my time in ICU. They called it "uneventful." I guess to the doctors my case was pretty uneventful. I came off the respirator right on schedule. They yanked the catheter out with no problem, at least for them. My skin was put back together with super glue. I am sure there is a more proper name for the stuff, but trust me. It was super glue. Thankfully, there was only a relatively small incision where they harvested the vein from my leg. The pain level was manageable. I have had kidney stones and those little things are off the pain meter. If kidney stones are a 10, and they are, then bypass surgery is about a seven. The word that always comes to mind when trying to describe the pain of bypass surgery is the word "sore."

My surgeon came in and assured me that everything went well, and he was right. I guess you could call my surgery "textbook." There were no complications. Those would come later, some much later. At that point I don't recall anyone even mentioning depression. For the moment I was just glad that I was breathing on my on.